Hi. It’s me. I’m still pregnant. Being overdue sucks.
I honestly never thought I’d get to this stage – 9 days overdue today and counting. I’ve always felt sorry for women who go overdue, imagining the annoyance and discomfort they must be feeling but I had no idea JUST how frustrating it is. It’s pure mental torture. A constant waiting game where every day you get your hopes up enough just to think there might be a light at the end of this 40 week+ tunnel but then yet again, nothing happens. And you start to feel like an idiot for even thinking you might have felt the first twinges of something. Weirdly, the longer it goes on, the further from meeting our baby I feel. Even though I know that’s not true.
And then there’s the self-doubt. Why doesn’t baby want to come? Don’t they want to meet us? Is there something wrong? What if my body can’t do this on it’s own? What’s wrong with me?
And don’t get me started on the onslaught of well-meaning messages and calls from friends and family. I know I should be very grateful to those around me who care enough to take the time to ask how I’m feeling or if there are any signs of pesky Pickle arriving any time soon… but each message is another trigger for all those questions of self-doubt. Weirdly, there are some people I can handle messages from more than others. And if you’re someone that I haven’t replied to or been short with – I can only apologise profusely. It’s not a personal thing. It’s just… I get a LOT of these messages and I’ll be honest – I find it upsetting to have to keep repeating how I seem to be failing to bring Pickle into this world on my own accord. Deep down, I am very glad to have you all on my side and wishing me well but hormones and everything are just sending me a bit crazy at the moment. You’ll know when we have some news to share. Just try and be patient. Because trust me, your patience is NOT being tested as much as mine is.
I try and keep myself occupied… I’ve been knitting and cross-stitching, crafting, bullet journalling and baking. I’ve not really wanted to venture too far from the house, preferring to cocoon myself here, you know, ‘just in case’. Right now, LPD is with his family in Stratford-upon-Avon for a belated birthday celebration for his Dad but I didn’t want to go that far in the opposite direction of the hospital. Silly, I know… because he’s been gone now for 2 hours and I’m no closer to having this baby.
The Overdue Plan
So, what is the plan? Well, in our area, they offer sweeps as standard at 8 and 10 days overdue. So I had my first sweep yesterday and I’ve got another one booked in for tomorrow.
The sweep wasn’t too bad, to be honest. Obviously, having someone rummage around your insides isn’t going to be the most pleasant of experiences but a fit of the giggles helped me through it and a wander around the shops with LPD afterwards had me feeling all sorts of twinges and cramps. Naively, I thought it might have done the trick! Especially as I was really pleased to hear the midwife say I was 2cm dilated and that Pickle’s head was quite low.
I went to bed last night feeling really hopeful! Convinced I’d wake up at 2am, with pains that could only be contractions and a call to the midwife unit. Instead, I woke a few times with mild twinges that never amounted to anything and a grumpy mood in the morning. Another night of nothing.
Looks like I’ll be having that second sweep tomorrow. They offer induction here from 12 days overdue… which is scarily close. I’m tempted to delay induction until I’m 14 days overdue to try and give myself a bit of extra time to have the midwife led unit birth I’ve been hoping for but in all honesty… I think I’ll see how it goes. Paranoia is starting to set in big time and I just want whatever is best for baby now. The longer it goes on, the more I think something must be wrong.
Right. I’m going back to bouncing on my ball. Although, fat lot of good it’s going to do…